we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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