Will you blow on my dice?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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