I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
