we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
