Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
