mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
