omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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