I just made out with a guy for $7.
Pappa wants mamma naked
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
