omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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