Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
