he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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