my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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