You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
