I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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