Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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