Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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