I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
