hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
