You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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