shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
