he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
