Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
