Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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