well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
