i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
