sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
