Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're too hungover to prance.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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