I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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