I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
