Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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