sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
