if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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