is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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