I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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