So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
