I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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