haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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