just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
