I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
