Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
