Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
