How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
