You just made me feel so damn special
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
