I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
