what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My ass is underappreciated
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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