she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
