I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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