You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
