What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
