Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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