I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
