All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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