Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
