dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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