I'm pants shitting drunk right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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