Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize