I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
