Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
