She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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