Whod you bang
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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