if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
