I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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