you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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