You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
