Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
