everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
