I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
