I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
