be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
