woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
