I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
