The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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