He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
