one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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