So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
