Can Purell be used as lube?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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