I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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