i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
