Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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