I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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