Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
