woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
