Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
