Im at strip club and am horny
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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