This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
