the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
