Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
