And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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