you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
