girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
