I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
