"it" just moved
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
